This week I started my new job…
I love it.
I love my office. I love my coworkers. I love the clients. I love the new challenges. It’s complex. It stretches me beyond my comfortable, familiar zone. It’s fast paced. There’s an employee’s only restroom with a paper towel dispenser that actually works. I get home earlier. I am closer to home. All of these things, I just love.
That said, I’ve also spent a lot of time crying this week. I’ve felt homesick, lonely, confused.
It reminds me of when I first moved into my new house– my family was with me, I was thrilled with my cozy, little home, but I felt really sad to leave my crowded, cramped, but familiar old apartment.
I’m very confident things will be okay in the long run.
Perspective is a good thing.
I’m sitting with the sad, hard, frustrating feelings.
At my old job, I was in a good position. I’d been there forever and had seniority, experience, and a muscle memory of how things worked. I could go through my days with my eyes closed.
It is really challenging for me to be the new kid on the block. I’ve taken a step backwards so that I could be more available for my family in the long run, to possibly have less stress in my life. I am somewhere strange and new where I do not have the ability to make my body instinctively do all the things it needs to do to get through the day.
It feels like being on another planet. It feels like being someplace totally unfamiliar and exotic and a bit scary too. It feels like I’ve gone someplace where I am scared to drink the water or venture too far off by myself. Every motion I make requires focus and attention. This is not necessarily a bad thing. . . but. . .
It takes a lot of effort.
I come home a bit fraught and exhausted.
But it will be okay.
Perspective and all. . .