Tag Archives: funny stuff

Dinner is Served… For Mom

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Dear Chef Ramsay.

I’ve always been a fan of your cooking shows.  I find it uber sexy when you yell and scream at your minions who do stuff wrong, or not up to your standards.  I kind of fantasize about having you as my side kick, who can yell at people who piss me off throughout the day so I can get my point across but still be seen as the nice lady.   

I would also love to be in the kitchen with you. . .  But I hate to cook.  I fucking hate to cook.  I’m a working mom and I barely have time to breathe, or the energy with which to wipe myself after I use the toilet.  I sort of imagined my kids would breastfeed until they could make their own grub, but that’s not quite how it went down.  

So meals around our house are usually catch-as-catch-can, if you know what I mean.

I realize you are a gourmet, Michelin Star winning chef, and in all likelihood you do NOT know what I mean. 

 Let me explain. 

 Every now an then (read:  nightly), I get home late, and have about 30 minutes to spend with my kids before they have to go to bed.  I emerge from bedtime, tired, frazzled, and hungry as hell.  But I don’t really want to cook myself that divine scallop and risotto thing, or get into a beef wellington, because remember?  I’m tired and I hate cooking.  Fucking hate it.

Dinner after bedtime usually looks a lot like this:

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Yum!

So sometimes when I am in my kitchen making a “mommy dinner” between eight and nine p.m. , I like to think of a witty way in which I would present it to you.  For example: 

My dear Chef, may I present to you this dish I have concocted.  I call it English Muffins three ways.  First, we have the muffin buttered with plain, organic, and free-range butter.  Then there is a muffin smeared with cream cheese.  And finally, a delightful muffin spackled with peanut butter.  I’m serving this tonight with a $14 Shiraz (from the big bottle).

Bon Appetite!

 

 

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I try hard, sometimes, to cook special and nutritious stuff for my family.  But on the nights I get home late and don’t want to turn on anything more complicated than the toaster, this might be all you get:

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Or this:  IMG_7384Ok, we all want to have meals like this:  IMG_5059But sometimes we have to accept that English muffins and a little vino is all we are going to get.  And let’s face it, at that time of the day, after the day we have had, that’s what tastes best anyway because it is all we have the energy for.

Don’t worry about my nutrition.  I swear I eat a huge salad and about four servings of fruit throughout the day while I am at work.  And besides, wine counts as a fruit, right?

Thanks so much for stopping by Chez Momaste.  We hope you enjoyed your muffin platter.

And even if you didn’t, don’t worry.  We sort of get off on hearing you yell about your dissatisfaction.

Hey Moms!  What do you love to eat for dinner?  Do you have a special “mommy dinner?”  Do share your favorite recipes below in the comments!  

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