Life Carries On. . .

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Last week found me writing a lot about Patty, who died in her sleep.

It felt okay.

That is, the writing felt okay.  It certainly did not feel okay that my friend died.

Writing felt like the right way to honor and feel my grief, and to mourn the loss of someone I knew and loved for many years.

I want to sincerely thank all of you for listening, for bearing witness with me during this time of great sadness and regret.  Your comments and virtual support have meant so much to me.

Life carries on.

I’m already getting swept up in the currents and tides of it as it carries me forward. . .

The greatest sorrow of losing Patty was the missed opportunity I had to reconnect with her during her life.  A very dear friend has suggested I might still communicate with her and that she might even answer me in some way shape or form.

Like the fluttering of a butterfly.

But it is hard and sad to know I’ll never hear Patty’s voice again, that I had the chance up until about two weeks ago to hear her voice.

Let it go, Darlin’, she would say.  It’s okay.

So, I’m feeling ready for life to go on.  I’m feeling ready for the memories of Patty to bind me to her evermore, as opposed to the stranglehold of grief.

I know it is what she would want.

I also know she would be happy to know I’ve reconnected with a couple of old friends who were mutual friends with her and that I’d also lost touch with over the past years of working motherhood.

I’ve been more cognizant of the urges I have to connect with people, and if it feels right, I shoot them a text or dial their number.  I don’t wait.  We never have as much time as we think we do.

Maybe that is Patty’s gift to me–  the awareness that we need to connect here and now while we have the chance.

Or maybe that is just something I am telling myself to be okay with the loss.

Either way, I am feeling peaceful about it.

In the vein of life moving on, it also seems like the appropriate time to share with you that we got a new dog.

For the sake of my blog, I will call her Muffin.  She’s a mutt.  We’ve had her for about three weeks.  She came into our lives a month to the day after we lost Doggy, and Muffin has brought us joy, love, and healing.  In this instance, a replacement pet was exactly what we needed.  And she is perfect for us.

I’d hesitated to say anything earlier, because of the trauma with Doggy, I wanted to make sure that this Muffin was the real deal.

And she is.

I’ll sign off of this post with lyrics from a Peter Gabriel song, “I Grieve.”  It is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers, and it has brought me so much comfort so many times in my life:

Life carries on
in the people I meet
in everyone on the street.
In all the dogs and the cats
in the flies and the rats
in the rot and the rust
in the ashes and the dust.
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on.  

It’s just the car that we ride in
a home we reside in,
the face that we hide in
The way we are tied in.
And life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on.

 

 

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2 responses »

  1. This is so beautiful that my words won’t do it justice. Patty loved you so much that she left an amazing gift to you in reconnecting with other friends & the fact that you know it has to make her smile. I love where you are with this, it’s beautiful. And I am so happy about Muffin, adorable. Sending you hugs!

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