So Mad I Could. . .

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I’m fuming.

I’m so mad right now I could punch a kitten.  I could scream at the elderly.  I could spit.  I could go out and get drunk and not come home tonight.  I could break all the glass in the house, smash my wedding china, and shatter the windows with my screams.

Or I could make a list of the worst things I can think of and leave it at that.

My Spousal Unit and I do not argue that much.  I mean we bicker and banter, but we never really have it out with each other.  Most of the time it is just the minutia of the everyday overwhelmed, working parents, etc., etc.  Like you forgot to do the cat box, or why didn’t you mail the mortgage payment?

We are both entirely overwhelmed and exhausted.  I don’t really know how we are going to keep all this up.  So, I will give him that.  Plus, he is the sort who avoids confrontation and takes the path of least resistance.  Always.  Especially when it comes to the children.

i told Emily she could not have her pacifier in the car this morning.  She is really too old for  pacifier anyway, and we really only allow it at night.  The dentist noticed that she has a gap in her bite and of course that means shit tons of money in orthodontics later on.

As my Spouse was scuttling around the house mismanaging his time and stressing about being late, I specifically told him, no bubby in the car for Em.

I know.  I know.

I sound like a shrew and a harpy and all of those evil, nasty wifey comparisons.

And if it hadn’t been for the clap of thunder that totally shook the entire house, I would never have known.  But I just so happened to look out the window to see if Em and Spouse were in the car okay.  There was Em, in her car seat, sucking on her bubby.

I.  Saw.  Red.

He is constantly undercutting me on shit like this.  I think it is one of the reasons that we have such trouble with Jack following rules.  I say one thing.  He does another.  My question for him is “what does this teach the children?”

Answer:  It teaches them that what Mama says does not matter.  It teaches them that they do not have to respect Mama.  It teaches them that they can go to their dad and split us against each other.

That seems abundantly simple and clear to me.  I’ve had this discussion with the Spouse about a hundred times, since Jack was a toddler.

I don’t get it.

It hurts me.  It hurts me that while we are so freaking busy and overwhelmed we can’t be on the same fucking page about something very basic.  It makes me feel unsupported and incredibly sad.  It makes me question my entire life and my efficacy as a human because I am a highly sensitive person and little stupid shit like this totally affects my entire fucking day.

Life is fucking hard.

So.  I’m pissed.  100% butthurt that I get no back up from the person who is supposed to have my back on our most primative chore–  raising the children.

I sent a pissy text to him.  I did the crazy thing where I tried to call about 18 times.  But he wasn’t answering because he was driving, or because he forgot his phone because he can’t get himself organized.

Ok, that was a low blow.  I get it.  I know.  But it is also true, and like I said.  I’m so mad.  I am so mad I could make dumb, immature statements about my spouse and vent about him on my blog because talking shit out just seems to get nowhere.

What kinds of differences do you have with your mate?  How do you handle them?  

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9 responses »

  1. I feel for you sister! It is the same here. And I must say that sometimes hormones doesn’t help either! The last fight of this kind we had was about sunscreen. I use for my daughter a mineral sunscreen which can lead to some white marks especially on the new car. My husband decided that we had to buy the “bad” sunscreen (the one with parabens and other bad things in it) and well I lost it….
    I noticed that fathers tends to undermine us, maybe they want to have the nice role, but it is often us mothers who have to pick up the pieces…. Lots of love and courage and kisses!!!
    xoxoxo
    PS: Heatwave here, around 100°F: a lot of arguments to come….

    • Hello my love! Hormones are awful!!! I am as emotional as a teenager these days! I totally feel you on the sunsreen issue. That would have bugged me too. And ugh, the heat makes everything worse. Thanks for checking in with me! xoxoxoxo, tons of love.

  2. I’m so sorry, Mama. Let it out! It can be so frustrating when you are supposed to work as a team! You are in your right to feel disrespected. I would feel mad too. Sometimes my husband and I disagree on snacks because my son won’t eat his vegetables. He is too young to understand certain words, but he can gauge tone and body language. It’s so important for us to NOT FORGET that our children are looking and paying attention. I forget A LOT. I hope that you and your husband find peace today. Hopefully he has an apology and gerbera daisies ready 😉 All my love and plenty of hugs, mama!

    • Thanks for listening to my rant. Venting is always helpful. We don’t usually fight bitterly, and almost never fight bitterly in front of the children because my kids are both highly sensitive and definitely sponge off of our emotions. But yeah. Sometimes I forget that too (hence the post I posted today… eke!) No apologies or flowers. . . We’ll see how things go. Thanks so much for reading and supporting. It means a ton. xoxo.

  3. Oh my sweet freaking lord. I’m seeing red just reading this. I hear you. It sucks. Unfortunately, I have zero solutions. It’s good that you guys get along well most of the time. That, my friend, might just be your saving grace. My spouse and I…do not. The paci in the car after I said no might have just pushed me right on into divorce court. I’m sorry. I hear date nights work well for this sort of conflict if you’re lucky enough to partake in this sort of adult playtime regularly. Again, I wouldn’t know. Deep breaths and silently chanting “peace” are my latest go-tos. Sending you lots of good vibes, Sistah.

    • Hey girl! Good to hear from you! I do not think this will push us into divorce court, but it was pretty freaking annoying. We do get out for dates once in a while and that IS helpful… I should write a post about that. Deep breaths are always good. Thanks for holding space for me. I will for you too. xoxo.

  4. Pingback: Chasing Anger With Self Recrimination. . . and Then More Anger | momaste

  5. Well,this too shall pass, and one day when he has to pay for the orthodontics you can remind him…or not as you choose. It is very difficult to get through to spouses sometimes. I try to be patient when it’s not important and repetitive when it is. Patience is only learned by guess what, being patient! HA HA. Thanks for your honesty. Warm wishes, Tasha

  6. Pingback: Holding On Through Rogue Waves of Despair and Other Stuff | momaste

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