1.) This is not my usual Silent Saturday post, nor is it my Saturday SHOUT Out. It could have been, but it is not.
2.) a. Weekends are freaking brutal. BRUTAL!! Why does leaving the playground always have to result in a crazy tantrum and my six year old biting my husband through his coat so hard that it leaves a mark. Playing cruise director so these little scamps won’t get bored, hungry, overtired, irritable, constipated, frustrated, dehydrated, or whatever is more exhausting than going to work and dealing with the second-hand trauma-fatigue that comes with being a clinical social worker.
b. Being mindful as a mom is really freaking hard. It is possible, but it is sometimes torture. Kind of like being mindful during an accident where your brain is trying very hard to convince you you want to go far, far away in your mind to protect you from the stress and trauma.
c. The above statement makes me sound like an ungrateful jerk who doesn’t appreciate my kids. I do. It’s just been a really long week and I’m exhausted. And I still have cleaning, grocery shopping, and laundry to do.
3.) The boy made a blanket fort and let his sister go in it and he read her stories for a full five minutes without fighting. I think he was doing penance for the playground tantrum. Listening to his voice, muffled by the blankets, I thought if I died right now I would die with the biggest happiness in my heart. Motherhood sure is a fickle and bipolar experience.
4.) Screw this, maybe I’ll just post that picture of a crocus and call it Silent Saturday.
5.) Yeah, it’s really not safe to swim in my stream of consciousness.
6.) While I’m on the subject, I watched some bits of Brokeback Mountain last night. Honestly, it was the most depressing movie I’ve ever seen.
7.) Not enough wine. And I’m in my PJs at 5 pm on a Saturday because life has beat me down just that far.
8.) At least karate was successful this morning. My son does everything he is told for an hour and a half while we are there. He tries every move with confident obedience. It is awe inspiring and hopeful. Sometimes he amazes me with his capability and intelligence, and other times I swear I can feel him turning my hair gray one strand at a time and it is excruciating.
9.) My husband bought my daughter new sneakers this week. They are the pinkest, most sparkly pair of shoes you have ever seen. They light up and they have a plastic heart with Sleeping Beauty on them. My daughter is in love with them. I was shocked when I saw them. I would have bought her the most sensible, durable, and versatile pair of sneakers, but he went and bought her the most whimsical and amazing pair. It enchanted me, I must admit.
10.) What was I thinking taking TV away from the boy after the biting tantrum? It is going to be a long night. I want to treasure every moment of life with these unique and fascinating little creatures, but man, weekends are brutal. Brutal, I tell you, BRUTAL!! Well, maybe it’s not that bad. . .