What would a mommy-blog be without obsessive, maternal minutia?
Today, for me, I am obsessing about my nursing bras.
The ones I bought two years ago when I was about to have Emily are too big now- stretched out, worn, and unsupportive of my ginormous milk-maids. I bought a new one a couple months ago that fits really well and gives terrific support, but at $80 a pop, I could only afford one. It is beige and boring, but it is super comfortable, and it is the only nursing bra I have that actually fits.
(Note: I highly recommend the Anita microfiber, underwire nursing bra if you are a ample-chested gal. They fit great and are very supportive. Worth every penny, IMHO. Get fitted in a shop if you can, and then buy them online to save up to $20 in some cases.)
About six months ago, I made the leap to wearing “normal” bras during my work week. But I continued to wear nursing bras on the weekend and my day off with Emily, so that she could continue having easy access to her milk. She’s recently turned two, and her nursing sessions are down to twice a day- when she first wakes, and before bed at night.
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time she asked for milk during the day. Even before her weekend naps, she doesn’t want to nurse and snuggle like she used to. Seeing this admission in black and white tugs at my heart. It means she is growing. It means she is no longer a baby, and her needs are changing. It means we are moving closer to that day when she weans forever. She is my last baby, so when she is done nursing, my journey as a breast feeding mama will be over.
Anyhoo, this morning, I was trying to decide what to wear. I had washed my one and only nursing bra the night before, so there it was, fresh and clean. As I looked at it, I thought, but Em probably won’t nurse today; couldn’t I just wear a regular bra?
Wearing a regular bra gives me a bit more support and comfort. I also have a couple more colors to chose from. But wearing a regular bra is also an admission to myself that my busy toddler will have many other things on her mind today than nursing with mama. For me, wearing a nursing bra is akin to a biker wearing a leather jacket. It is representative of my desired identity as earth mama, at the ready to nourish and nurture my little one.
It should be a simple choice, but it made me stop and catch my breath. I went back and forth on the bra issue and finally tossed the clean nursing bra onto the top of my pile of clothes for after my shower.
Part of mindfulness is just stopping to acknowledge, to be 100% aware and accepting of whatever is happening in a given moment. It may seem like a weird thing to stop and take note of my beige, matronly undergarments in such a detailed way. But there you go. It kind of reminded me of being in my 20s and the time I used to put into designing every detail of my outfit including matching my underwear, which at the time was far more exotic and interesting. In this moment today, I paused to realize I am in a much different place on the spectrum of womanhood in general, as well as in my journey as a mom.
I thought about how many of these little, seemingly unimportant moments pass us by every day without much pause, drama, or ceremony. If I actually stopped to think about every little change in a significant way, I would drive myself crazy. As a working mom, I miss so much of my children’s lives already. Some things I just want to stop and take in for a moment longer, like wearing a nursing bra for another day, even though it might not be totally necessary.
What moments in your life as a parent made you pause and sigh? Is there an article of clothing that “represents” your role as a parent?