Foreboding- Yet Another Post In Which I Talk About My Feelings

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Someone once described me as a Waldorf Salad.  I’m sort of crunchy, with a lot of different parts.  Sweet, salty, and sometimes surprising.  You’re never quite sure what you’re going to get in each bite.

It’s not a bad comparison.

I write about a lot of stuff here on Momasteblog.  But for everything about which I do write, there are probably 25 other things about which I don’t write.

Things that are too personal.

Too uncomfortable.

Too dark and twisty and frightening.

Many times, I publish a post thinking I’ve got it just right, and I’ve figured something out, cemented another facet of my sense of my self, only to realize I haven’t a clue who I am.

Lately, I’ve had this sensation that something bad is going to happen.  I wake from freaky dreams, thinking the phone will ring with bad news.  I drive to work feeling every car that passes me will inadvertently plow me down.  My children appear to be in abject jeopardy.  My clients seem unsafe, maybe even dangerous.  I hesitate to trust friends for fear they will mock or despise me.

Maybe it is because we switched to daylight savings, and the lack of light is triggering sadness.

Maybe it is because my daughter is about to turn two and I am just not ready.

Maybe it is because we have had The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh on practically non-stop and I’ve begun to hallucinate heffalumps and woozles.

Maybe I’m just tired and overwhelmed with the demands of life.

Or maybe it is just another chapter which I will have to contemplate until it makes sense.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I would like to think I am a bit more consistent than a bite of Waldorf salad that you aren’t sure will be sweet or salty or nutty.  But then again, the Waldorf salad is a culinary classic, and everyone seems to enjoy it.  It has stood the test of time.

So will I.

And I almost always feel better after blogging.

Have you ever felt like you were in a dark or stormy place? How did you handle it? What things do you hesitate to blog? .

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10 responses »

  1. I hesitate to blog personal feelings, the deep ones. I hesitate to blog than less-than-sunny stuff. But you know what? We SHOULD blog this stuff. I love reading honesty from fellow bloggers. I suspect they might enjoy reading mine, too.

    • You might be right. Some of my posts that I think are TMI and will be of no interest to anyone end up being popular. . . I am somewhat new to blogging and am still figuring out how much i am comfortable sharing. So, we shall see. Thanks for the kind words!

  2. When I’m feeling like crap, I try to keep perspective. Usually, I ask myself, if I was one of my clients, what would I say? And out comes stuff like: feelings are temporary. I’ve gotten through stuff like this before, so I can do it again, etc.
    And I hesitate to post vulnerable feelings, since one thing I hate is unsolicited advice. But I also love empathy and connection, so sometimes I’ll post despite my hesitation. Usually I don’t regret it.

    • Yes! Sometimes I’ll blog really intense stuff that seems so real in the moment, and then I will feel so much better. I haven’t crossed into too much unsolicited advice yet, although warmth and empathy I have experienced tons of out here, so much more than I ever knew existed. That was one of the pleasant surprises for me about blogging– the community and connection.

  3. Blogging is about escaping, freeing your mind. So don’t hesitate to open up in front of the screen, it helps you to discharge all the bad energies you have but also makes you understand and find out what is really going on in your mind. I just started this experience and yet i’m already enjoying people like you, who are not afraid to take words from the deepest side of your heart. I also realize that it’s just in the beginning that you feel like you’re scared and should write more, but yourself can stop you, be able to do better but in fact, as soon as you start to write nothing but yourself can stop you because you are in charge.of your state of mind. That can be only be helpful.

    • Thank you so much for your warmth, compassion, and encouragement! I am relatively new to blogging also, and am still finding my voice and comfort zone. I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you.

      • You welcome. If u get a chance to look at my blog, you’ll see that i’m also having trouble expressing myself, that’s also why i was amaze by your words. I’m trying and i shall continue. But for now, i”m using images and descriptive words to send my message until i find my beats…

  4. This is so good, and maybe you didn’t mean to be hilarious, but you were: “I’ve reached a point in my life where I would like to think I am a bit more consistent than a bite of Waldorf salad that you aren’t sure will be sweet or salty or nutty. But then again, the Waldorf salad is a culinary classic, and everyone seems to enjoy it. It has stood the test of time.” True dat, my friend. This too shall pass.

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