Procrastination. . . or, I’m Sorry I’m a Jerk

meme courtesy of momasteblog

meme courtesy of momasteblog


I read somewhere once upon a time that procrastination and being late for stuff is a symptom of narcissism.  I honestly do not believe that this is true for me.  Life is just so difficult for me to juggle sometimes, that important things get put on the back burner and forgotten.

That said, I’m sorry if I missed your birthday on Facebook.  I am also sorry if you were depending on me to bring you a casserole after you had a baby.  Admittedly, I can be kind of a crappy friend and family member when I get overwhelmed and stick my head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich.

In my past, before marriage and motherhood, I used to be incredibly efficient and organized.  You could count on me to be early for everything, and to have a task done before you even asked.  To-Do lists were my favorite, but sometimes I would have to actually add tasks to them because everything had already been checked off and I thirsted for a purpose!

If I actually had time now to sit down and MAKE a To-Do list it would be longer than my arm.  I still keep a check list at work, because I have to; my memory just doesn’t hold stuff the way it used to (sleep debt) and if I don’t have a running list I often find myself walking seven paces down the hallway and forgetting my purpose.

I am totally organized with writing out checks and paying my bills.  Getting them into the mailbox?  Not so much.

There are some people out there (you know who you are) who manage to work, keep their kids clean, make wholesome meals, and still decorate their homes from top to bottom for each and every holiday.  I am really envious of these people, but I just can’t compete.  In reality, life is not any harder for me than for these other, energized people.  It is just part of my personality and a function of anxiety that I put things off, only to forget them.


So, maybe someday I will send the Father’s Day card that has been sitting blank on my desk for the past three months.  Until then, I’m going to go do the dishes and take my kids out to ride their bikes, and try not to beat myself up for being such a crappy excuse for a human.

I’ll worker harder on this whole mindfulness gig.  I promise.  Just not today, okay?


10 responses »

  1. Pingback: The Squawk of Unopened Books | Expressions

  2. I stumbled upon your blog through a link on Pinterest. Like you I have zero memory left after having kids so I can’t even tell you how what I was looking up that brought me to you. The page you were linked to said you were from Rhode Island and I was sold. I’m from little Rhody myself and was over the moon to find another mom so close to me that is feeling the same way and experiencing the same things. Over the last few days I have spent every spare minute in between work and meltdowns (the child and my own) reading past posts. I’m feel the exact same way you do, it’s like we share the same brain. So for what’s its worth I appreciate your blog and find comfort knowing I’m not alone and someone so close to home is going through it too.

    • Gosh, thanks for your kind and thoughtful comment! How cool that you found me on pinterest, I wonder who pinned me there? Truth be told, I have never been on pinterest– don’t even know how it works! It seems like social networks are growing and confounding me more and more every day! Hang in there, mama. I hear it gets better, maybe??? Lol! Seriously, though, I am glad you are visiting my blog and finding some resonance. One of the things that has really astounded me with blogging is how many other amazing moms I’ve met who are also enduring the human struggle. It means so much to me to know I am not alone out there. Isn’t it wild when you read something that someone wrote, and it is so true to your own life that you go, “Wait a minute? Did I write that in my sleep and not remember it or something?” I think all of us frazzled moms share some sort of collective unconscious or something. Anyway, I am so happy to hear from you and hope that you will visit again and again! It truly means the world to hear such supportive and understanding comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope to hear from you again soon! xx!
      PS, you can follow my blog via email and get my posts delivered directly to your inbox, if that is easier for you!

  3. Ok – this really made me laugh. Thank you. I think we are similar souls. I’m the mom who got baby pictures taken and printed, but just never got them mailed out in the thank you cards I bought to send out for the baptism party gifts. This was my second child. I’m kinda hoping seeing I did it for the first and sent a blanket “Thank you!” on Facebook and posted pics for the second, that I’m still kind of an okay person. Right? Yeah. That’s me now. I get it.

  4. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  5. Time and time again I find myself adjusting my expectations (read: LOWERING them) because 85% of what happened before child is no longer possible if being sane is a priority.

    I hold sleep debt responsible for so many of my changed characteristics. Just last night, I was trying to us analyzation in a sentence. It’s not actually a word, the word I needed was analysis. I used to be smart, and have a decent vocabulary. But speaking another language for two years, followed by pregnancy and child, have not been kind to my brain. I have to take pride in other things now, becuase I cannot claim to be on-time, together, or very motivated much of the time.

    • Analyzation should totally be a word. Actually, my spell checker didn’t even highlight it, so you may be on to something. Contact Websters! yes, sanity is a good priority. . . agreed.

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