If you know me at all, you know I am addicted to music. One of my favorite musicians is a gorgeous and quirky Russian gal named Regina Spektor. She is imaginative, whimsical, and poetic. Most of her songs are fictional, and the lyrics are complex, so I generally have very little clue what she is singing about. But boy do I love her anyway!
Something about her music makes me feel like I am alive and dancing in the very heart of the universe.
She has a song that makes me think about mindfulness. The lyrics, “It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song, it was so simple, you were always singing along. . . You spent half of your life trying to fall behind, you’re using your headphones to drown out your mind! It was so easy, and the words so sweet, you can’t remember, you try to move your feet. . .”
As much as I like to believe I am in the moment and mindfully aware, so often, I am seeking to fall behind and suffocate my own mind.
This week I have been playing Candy Crush Saga like a fiend. It has gotten to the point where I don’t enjoy it anymore. When I close my eyes, there is uncomfortable vertigo. All I see behind my eyelids are bright, shiny pieces of candy clacking around in weird patterns.
Even when I play, I start to feel constricted and itchy from my inside out, like I am lined with fiber glass under my skin.
But the fact that I am starting to dream in Candy Crush is icky. I just don’t feel that a free iphone app should hold that kind of significance in my subconscious. I might have to delete it from my iphone. . .
It makes me wonder what other things we do to distract ourselves from being aware during challenging times.
Religion. Wine. Sex. Therapy. Gossip. TV.
It also makes me wonder what we, what I, could be doing to more productively deal with life during these stressful times.
For me, music is wonderful stress relief. Music makes me feel connected, centered, and comforted. So, I definitely will not be deleting Regina from my music library! But I think being aware of how we use technology of any kind is important, because there is the tendency to use it as a crutch and then get pissy and nasty when it is not there for us to lean on. Kind of like how I get when the Netflix is out of order.
So, tonight, I vow not to surf five TV channels while playing Candy Crush and trying to hold a conversation with my husband.
I will NOT multitask. I will pay attention to my uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, and urges as opposed to holding them underwater with both hands while whistling a happy tune and trying to tap dance.
Some of these uncomfortable feelings and urges may have to do with trying not to play Candy Crush. . . yeah, I think I am definitely going to delete that crap off of my phone.