A post was brewing in my head about how two of my ex-boyfriends wished me namaste in the space of 48 hours. It was a weird coincidence to me, as I had not heard from either of them in months.
I love the salutation Namaste and the little bow that goes along with it. Although there are numerous translations from various cultures, I like the definition, “The god in me bows to the god in you,” or simply, “I bow to you.” I love this greeting, as much as I love the Hawaiian Aloha. It is a term that makes me feel a genuine sense of peaceful-well-being, and that I am being honored for who I am.
Let’s call these guys Burt and Duke. I don’t know if they actually put as much thought into their namaste as I am putting into it, or if they were just being casual, or new-agey. Doesn’t really matter. The image of Burt and Duke bowing to me, this many years later, was initially kind of silly and uncanny, but then became more poingent.
There have been many boyfriends in my life. For a long time, Burt and Duke were “ones who got away.” That is, they were, until my husband and I hooked up, fell in love, and long-story-short got married and had kids. They were two men who loved me without any condition, during two different times in my life when that kind of love was what I needed most. So, in my mind, they fall into the same category of ex boyfriends– ones with whom I genuinely shared love and deeply connected.
One of the things I like about myself is that I maintain friendships with many of my ex boyfriends. Not all, but most. I do not believe that if a relationship has been good it must end completely, and that it can change to accomodate friendship. My husband does not seem to mind this quirk. He has no reason to worry or feel insecure. Our marriage is strong and happy. There is no one else on the planet with whom I could have settled, or loved as deeply.
In the end, this post is mostly about the title, which I still wanted to use. I like the image it conjurs.
I decided I was not in the mood to write anything gritty and confessional about ex boyfriends or break-ups. I apologize if you came to this post ready for something juicy and went away bored.
Had I stayed with Burt or Duke, life would be much different. I would not be with my husband, and there would be no Emily or Jack. Burt and Duke taught me a lot about love, relationship, and acceptance, so I like to think that they helped bring me along to where I am today. Maybe I wouldn’t even be where I am if not for the knowledge and growth garnered through other, early relationships.
Namaste, Burt. Namaste, Duke. I bow to you too, hoping that I left even a glimmer of well-meaning in your lives, as you left in mine.